Sometimes it is hard to stay loyal because it means someone has to get hurt. We put ourselves in situations where we have to choose one person over another. On the surface, it appears as though it is a tough decision to choose one over the other. Everyone has their strengths and their flaws. However, choosing a single person usually turns out to be the better choice because it’s either some people get hurt or multiple people get hurt. You won’t be able to maintain a good relationship with everyone. Doing so is detrimental to not only you but every other individual involved. We fear hurting others, but it is the universe’s way of punishing us for putting ourselves in that situation in the first place. I guess it does take some level of empathy to feel this way.
Empathy… I’ve been trying to learn it for the last couple of months.
Once I knew less than I did now. A young adult male craving love and affection, I attracted multiple potential suitors. None better than the other in all regards. Some had the looks but lacked in personality and vice versa. Eventually, one needed closure. What were we? So on one particular night, as I was intoxicated; she charmed me into defining the relationship. Quite frankly, it was impressively manipulative. I barely fall for explicit manipulation, but in this case, she got me. And she got me good.
Everything was pure bliss when we began. Same music taste, same humor. Happiness. Laughter. Smiles. At least when it came to our relationship. But the relationship came at a cost. For that, I had to severely break another’s fragile heart. I had led her on… Months on end. I liked her energy. She was average in terms of appearance but she was possibly the most beautiful soul I had ever met. She did everything right. Long messages, just how I liked them. Openly admitting her feelings. Being vulnerable. We’d call and text, a lot… I couldn’t really blame her for falling that deep. Heck, I was also feeling some type of way about her, much as I’d hate to admit it. Then I threw it all away for a pretty face faking happiness and love. I made her cry and curse her own existence. I made her contemplate taking her own life… I was a horrible person. The regret I feel to-date is insurmountable. If you ever read this, you know yourself. I am very sorry, and I know the words don’t mean much but if I could go back I would have given you a shot.
Thank you for showing me your true self. I truly am grateful. I hope she is happier wherever she is
The reason people cheat
We all crave affection. Usually we won’t get everything we want from one person and as such we may end up seeking what we lack in one in another. That’s the obvious part.
The real reason why we cheat is probably to diversify our risk. Figuratively speaking; to avoid putting all our eggs in one basket. This feeling is often experienced by those who have been broken before. We know how it hurts and we wish to never experience it again. Which is why we decide that if we at least have multiple people on our radar, then even if you were hurt, it wouldn’t hurt as much since you’d always have a backup plan.
This never works. Eventually things catch up with you. No, I don’t mean getting caught cheating. Besides, it is not the wars we have with our partners that matter, but rather the ones we have within ourselves.
Eventually, it dawns on you just how f*cked you are emotionally. You kept giving away small bits of your heart to so many people that you have nothing left to have any significant emotional connection with anyone. It sucks, really. The emptiness, the depression that comes with it. Some nights I find myself tearing up, not because I have been wronged but because of the people I hurt. Not through cheating but through neglect and the insensitivity I had to their genuinely good intentions for me.
What we can do about it
Make a choice, take a leap of faith. Entrust one with the ability to hurt us. If we are right, it will easily overshadow all the multiple partners in the world. Do they make us happy? Are they themselves? Can you tolerate their worsts? If the answer is yes to all these or maybe yes, then perhaps it is worth giving it a shot. I have many regrets that I wish to absolve. The past can’t be changed though, so the only way is forward.
Sometimes I wish I could go back. But going back means to stop growing. And going back means not meeting other people. I found one. This is my last try…
Allan N. Jeremy 